Tag Archive for attempted humor

Writing Craft

Not This Again

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New writing endeavor, new protagonist. I thought that after Lysander, who makes an art form out of being contrary, I could handle anything, but nooo. Protag and I are already at odds.

 

Me: “‘Kay, good plot and all, but this is a romance, so we should probably start working on your love interest.”

Protag: “Oh, he‘s cute!”

Me: “…that’s the antagonist.”

Protag: “Gimme!”

Me: “No! You’re shy and he’s an asshole!”

Protag: “Is there a gentle, vulnerable soul hiding beneath his rough facade?”

Me: “No. That’s not how this book works.”

Protag: “Gimme anyway!”

 

*headdesk*

Home Life

One-Baby-Band

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The kidlet has been cranky lately. He has also been busy playing with the world’s most annoying baby toy drum set. In trying to retain my sense of humor, I thought about what sorts of tracks the kidlet would lay down if he were to record a CD. Here’s the list:

1. Look It’s A Thing Lemme Bash You In The Face With It

2. Everybody Hurts (When I Chew On Them)

3. Hi My Name Is Kidlet And I Want To Put Carrots In Your Face

4. The Boobie Ballad

5. Everything Is Stupid But Napping Is Worse

6. Ode To My Feetses

7. What Is This I Put It In My Mouth

8. Sleep Is For Losers

9. Food On The Ceiling

10. NAKED! (And Why You Should Be, Too)

Spectacularly Broken, Writing Craft

Character Attitude

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Most authors I know occasionally have the same problem I do – sassy characters who just won’t take direction. Usually, they make for the most interesting protagonists because their ‘tude is memorable and entertaining. Lysander was definitely one such protagonist. When I was emailing a friend the other day and tried to describe what writing him was like, it went something like this…

“Okay, let’s start on this scene where you talk to Finn-”

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MONSTROSITY IS HE WEARING?

“Um, who cares? You’re supposed to be talking about-”

OH GOD IT’S TIE DYE. KILL ME NOW.

“No, stop being so dramatic. First you need to-”

I REFUSE TO LOOK AT TIE DYE UNLESS I’M REALLY REALLY HIGH. ALSO, HAVE YOU MET ME?

“…fine, I guess we’ll deal with the tie-dye crisis first then.”

WITH FIRE!

“You are not setting your cousin on fire.”

BUT HE’S WEARING TIE DYE!

Home Life

Why I Should Never Poll Anyone On Anything

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So I’ve been trying to come up with an idea of what I am even going to put on this blog. These days, it’s pretty much expected of an author to be maintaining a blog, to entertain with funny, informational and thoughtful commentary on… well, that’s the rub. Who the hell knows?! Am I even interesting enough to pull this off? I just want to write some books and stuff!

So I’ve been asking everyone within a ten mile radius the question “What in the world should I write about in my blog?” The answers I got were as follows.

My beta reader:

“Uhhh. I dunno? Funny work anecdotes. Funny baby anecdotes?”

My husband:

“The exciting and eternal struggle of what to feed your husband for supper.”

Cat #1:

“The intricacies of achieving world domination without opposable thumbs.” *

Cat #2:

“Food! Wait, what’s a blog? Can I eat it?” *

Cat #3:

“How everyone should sit as proper and precisely as I do.” *

The baby:

“BOOBIE!” *

The fish:

“…H2O?” *

… and that’s when I gave up.

(* paraphrased)